shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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