you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
