I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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