My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
