I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
