I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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