I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
