I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
