First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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