I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
