Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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