STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
