And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
