Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my sisters under your porch take her home
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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