he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
