somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
