Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
