Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
