She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
