My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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