i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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