Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
