I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
