It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
