The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
