Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
