maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
