I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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