i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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