I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
