You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
