We won't sleep together?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
