I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
