I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
