I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
