People in love make me want to vomit
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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