Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
