She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
