I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
