You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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