remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
