I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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