Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
