If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
not ubering you a puppy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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