If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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