I need help removing her.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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