That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
