On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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