Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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