This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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