I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me I should be a condom model.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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